*** This is a collaborative post ***
With Valentine’s Day just around the corner I was thinking about what I could do to make the day a bit more special. With us being in lockdown it wasn’t going to be as easy as getting the grandparents to babysit and booking a restaurant and it got me thinking.
Love languages are something I find really interesting and I sat and had a little think about what mine are. Service, quality time and gifts, in case you were wondering. I know this sounds a little bit cringe but what it really means are the things I really, truly appreciate is if you do something for me that I know I need to do. In mine and Tom’s case, it could be putting the washing out or filling the dishwasher, just one of the millions of little jobs around the house without me having to ask. Quality time is important to me too. I’m not asking to be whisked away on trips (although that is nice!) What I really need is that when I speak you actually listen to me, you look at me and listen to what I say, not half listen then repeat something back that isn’t anything like what I said. Finally gifts, I know they say diamonds are a girl’s best friends and if that’s what you want to give me then I’m never going to say no but it’s not actually about being bought things. It’s about being thought about if I’m not there and being acknowledged.
I’ve asked Tom to have a think about what his could be and I’m going to try and use them to plan something for Valentine’s Day. Wish me luck.
So, if you often wonder why you and your partner have trouble showing the other you care, it could be a simple case of your love languages missing the mark.
How you express and understand affection may be different from how your partner communicates and understands affection.
Five love languages are generally recognized as being able to help people show they care.
Once you understand them, you can learn how to work with your partner to have a healthy relationship. So if you want to keep it blissful, and rather than face down a stressful divorce financial settlement, then read on.
Quality Time
Have you ever had a partner, or maybe you are the partner that there is just never enough time shared? Quality time and lots of it is all you want and need.
Active listening, eye contact, and being entirely in the moment is how this person feels the most loved.
In order to give a person whose love language is the quality time they need, you’ll need to ditch the phones and simply ‘be.’
Some personality types might find this difficult to navigate and may have a knee jerk reaction to say they are needy.
Physical Touch
From a kiss on the forehead to hands just about touching. Physical touch and intimacy can be incredibly important, so those with it as their love language.
When there is consent to share touch, this can be powerful and life-affirming.
You can learn more about body language and make a conscious effort to show more physical affection. This can be as simple as standing close to your partner or it can be holding hands.
Gifts
Gifts are one of the most straightforward love languages. Gifts are a visual symbol of love, and they can be enjoyed by millions.
They can be small gifts or large ones. A pretty rock they find on their travels, or large expansive gifts.
It’s not actually the size of the gift that matters; it is the thought and the giving. Each gift is a symbol of them thinking about you and seeing you happy when you open the gift up.
There are also people who enjoy receiving gifts, and this can feel like more of a chore. However, it’s rarely the size of the gift, but the thought and intent behind it.
Service
Washing the dishes is a love language. Taking care of chores and tasks and making someone’s life easier is a love language and can be very powerful. Actions speak louder than words here.
Some people like to perform the tasks, and others want to have them done for them. From smaller and simple chores to the big ones, every task taken on is a symbol of affection.
Affirmations
Words hold a lot of power, and telling someone how great they are or that they are doing a great job raises their confidence.
Verbal encouragement can help people achieve more and can also improve their own communication.
These can be written down; they may be spoken whatever happens you will give or receive words of affirmations—making you and/or your partner feel appreciated.
Which love language do you think you and your partner are?
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