A long absence

I’ve just checked and I haven’t posted since the end of January. It’s now practically the end of March! I didn’t really intend to take that much of a break from here to be honest but I guess sometimes these things happen.

We moved house at the beginning of February (yay!) but it meant that we had no internet access for a few weeks. With a small child to be looked after I couldn’t just skip off to a coffee shop, as I once would have, to write and schedule a few posts so I submitted to our lack of technology and had a digital detox of sorts. The only thing is, once the enforced ban was over, I struggled to find a way to fit it back into my day-to-day life. I also struggled with motivation and inspiration. I write these posts because I enjoy it, no other reason (I’m not even entirely sure if anyone reads them anymore or would care if I stopped) and the thought of composing a post was becoming a bit of a burden rather than something to look forward to. (It doesn’t help that, upon sight of the laptop, little eyes light up and little fingers try to hit all of the buttons!) So I just didn’t come back here.

The thing is now I find myself with no little fingers reaching up to see what buttons she can hit and a bit of free time on my hands and my thoughts returned back to this little patch of the internet and I smiled. I was keen to get myself back here and get these thoughts out of my head and down on “paper”, keen to think about what I wanted to do here in future, keen to breathe a little bit of life back into these old pages and document more. I want to write about my new house and the things I want for it, I want to write about my, still relatively new, life as a parent to a mad little girl, I want to write about the places we go to and the things we do and sights we see and this is the space that I have to do all that, to make all that happen and I’m excited about it again.

Sometimes you need to step away from something to see how much it matters to you. This may sound completely cliché to you but I don’t think I ever really realised that. These few pages matter to me and I have realised I need to take advantage of that a bit more. My memory is certainly not as good as I’d like it to be so why not use the resources I have available to boost it? I think I floundered a little bit here, trying to be all things to all people and it never really worked the way I wanted it to so I’m changing the way I write here. I’m not going to worry about my “niche”, I’m just going to write about things that interest me, about things that I want to remember and about things in my head.

I didn’t actually start this post intending to set out my colours about what this blog is supposed to or is going to be. I actually just meant it as a bit of a catch up but, it is what it is. If you’ve got this far, I’m impressed. I’m not entirely sure much of this really makes any sense and I have a feeling that the tone has turned a little more aggressive as it has gone on than I ever intended or imagined… so sorry about that. I don’t think I’ve ever realised that I’m actually quite protective of my place here so that’s a bit of a revelation for me too.

I’m already feeling a bit embarrassed and nervous about this post but I kind of don’t want to delete it. I haven’t gone back and reread it and edited it yet and I’m not sure if I’m going to for that reason. I feel like I need this. It’s like drawing a line under the past and starting again with a clean slate. That sounds ever so dramatic really doesn’t it? Apparently I’m a drama queen at heart!

So yeah, I don’t really know how to finish this now. Everything seems a bit anticlimactic after all that. Here goes…

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