Three weeks today is my wedding.
I’m not entirely sure it’s actually dawned on me yet, you know. I’m going to be a married woman. I don’t think I’ve ever referred to myself as a woman before but that’s the word that goes with married isn’t it? I feel like it somehow signifies that getting married means that you have to be a grown up. I’m definitely not a grown up.
I’m heading back to Liverpool this weekend just to check on the last little bits and make sure everything is all OK and that I don’t have anything last-minute to do. Well, I do have a few last-minute things to do and I’m going home the week before the wedding to sort out those last bits, but nothing big.
Like I said before, I don’t really think it’s dawned on me properly yet. People keep asking me if I’m nervous or excited and, honestly, I’m neither at the minute. Well, that’s a bit of a fib. I’m starting to get a bit nervous but I always do when I have to be the host of something. Whether it’s tea in our house or a birthday party, I worry about the guests having a nice time. That’s all the wedding is, a big party that Tom and I are throwing for all our favourite people. I really want everyone to have a good time. I’m nervous because of the amount of expectation I’m piling on myself on behalf of everyone else. That is what I’m nervous about not about the thought of marrying Tom. I’m looking forward to that part.
I’m not entirely sure what the point of this post was. I think I just felt a bit stunned about the fact that this huge thing that I have been planning for the past two years or so is now only 21 days away. It has been ages away for so long and now, all of a sudden, it’s just a matter of days away.
I’m definitely feeling a lot of mixed emotions about it all. I’m anxious that people will have a good time, I’m looking forward to marrying Tom, I feel guilty that I’m not as excited as people expect me to be but most of all I’m happy that it’s finally here.
Sorry for the rambling post that doesn’t really go anywhere.